GRINCH, THY NAME IS hk

This is why I hate Christmas.

Or more accurately, this is why I hate spending time with my family.

I am not even in Seattle yet, and they're already making me crazy. And yeah, yeah, I know that I can't change THEM, that I have to change my reactions to them; I also know that if my aunt and uncle want to be enablers for my bitter, angry mother, then I can't stop them -- I know these things, and yet they DRIVE. ME. UP. THE. WALL.

This time, it's going somewhere for Christmas. "Why, hk!" you may say, "you're already going somewhere for the jolliest of holidays! You're heading to Seattle!" Indeed I am. But my mother wants to go somewhere else than my aunt and uncle's house -- she wants to go the beach. Yes, the BEACH. In DECEMBER. Which requires a HOTEL. Which my UNCLE, who doesn't really want to go, will pay for. And this is AFTER I told them -- I've done so much traveling this term, I'm sick of staying in hotels, why don't we go on day trips so I can stay in one place for a while? And after they AGREED, yeah, we don't sleep well in hotels, and there's not much to do at the beach in the winter anyway -- yeah, day trips! We'll do day trips!

What the FUCK is going on? Can't they hold out against my mother ONE GODDAMN TIME? Especially when I specifically told them that I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH? My mother is such a fucking selfish brat. She doesn't care that my aunt -- her SISTER! -- and uncle don't want to go, she just wants someone to pay for her to get out of town. She doesn't care that my uncle, who has been nothing but generous to her -- computer, car, cell phone, spending money all out of his pocket for more than a year -- will have to again foot the bill for her whims. The fucking beach in fucking December? What the hell is that?

And my aunt and uncle! Fucking enablers -- totally unable to stand up for themselves, allowing her to run over them in complete disregard of their feelings -- like a dog being whipped for something he didn't do, and looking apologetically at his master while he's being beaten. What the fuck is wrong with them? This behavior is bad for them, bad for her, bad for everyone. And no matter how much I talk to them, how much I try to subtlely and unsubtlely try to encourage them to do for themselves, to stand up for what they want because it's twice as valid as what she wants -- no matter what, they're always, always going to spend themselves emotionally and physically and financially so that my mother can get what she wants.

Jesus GOD.

(10 minutes later)

CHRIST.

So I make the monumentally stupid mistake of calling my uncle back and asking why they decided to go when we'd agreed not to go a week ago. I yelled at my mother (who simply switched me back to my uncle) and my uncle (who switched me to my mother when I first started raising my voice and then started placating me as if I were 5 years old: "okay, okay, we'll fix it, we'll cancel, we don't have to go").

I outright told my uncle, "I don't want mom to railroad you into doing something." And a minute later, my mother says, "Actually, it's for you. To get out of the house."

FUCK. YOU. ALL.

I apologized to my uncle for yelling. He changed the subject to the busy season at airports, and resorted to his usual humor tactics ("I'm not dressing up as Santa to come greet you at the airport!").

I apologized to my mother. She said, "For what?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not upset."

"OKAY. FINE. Then maybe it's because I feel I shouldn't have yelled, so I'm saying sorry and it's for ME."

"Yeah, you have been yelling a lot recently at adults. Me, uncle, auntie -- why?"

"Because --"

"And not just you, bigbro too, you've been yelling a lot lately at adults. Why?"

I took a deep breath. "Because the adults have been acting like children lately," I informed her.

There was a pause, and then my mother laughed. Derisively? Hurt? Who the fuck knows?

"Okay, fine. See you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye, mom."

Lovely. Now I've ticked off my mother, made my uncle feel bad, and for what? For the infantile pleasure of not giving my mother what she wanted? Because I can't stand to see selfish children rewarded? And at what price? The goodwill of the visit?

Holiness of Holy, please let me not become unglued and yell at my family again this week. And please let me accept the things I can never EVER change (despite how much they maketh me veritably boil inside with rage) and not go around biting people's heads off when they can't help it. And please let my mother not sulk the entire week and please let my aunt and uncle not tiptoe around her -- oh wait. That's getting into things we can't change? Shit. Well, just please let me keep my temper (which I SWEAR is usually quite even). I'd appreciate it. Love ya lots, hk.