THOUGHTS THROUGHOUT THE AFTERNOON

2 p.m.
Never has it been so clear to me the differences created by race and age. I go to these interviews and the vast majority of the interviewers are white men, usually middle-aged. I've had three female interviewers, one of whom was a minority. Two out of those three interviews were my best -- the first one, in which I had a real conversation about mediation with an M&A partner, and the one yesterday, in which I had an interesting, rapid-fire exchange about my resume.

I put on exactly the same performance today with a white, middle-aged man as I did last night with a black woman my age, and I have no reading on how I did. The disconnect is so huge. I have felt like that with all my white man interviews -- I felt I was myself and said fairly intelligent, honest things, things that I felt brought me closer to the black woman last night, but that brought me simply nods or polite smiles from the white men.

I walked back from the hotel last week with an Indian law student who said he clicked so well with his interviewer that the interviewer suggested they go into the "hospitality suite" (the Miighty Big Firms usually rent a large room in which associates float around, answering questions and assessing you while you eat their food and drink their drinks) and just hang out. I can't imagine two women doing that, or a male interviewer doing that with a female interviewee (or vice versa).

Joiner (who is courageously not doing the on-campus recruiting process -- hooray for principles!) said the other week that she was worried about Ferris, a young white fellow student, because he was a white male. There has been, I think, some thought and maybe some resentment about the treatment of black students here -- they are singled out by law firms who want to improve their diversity ratings -- because once you hit Crimson Law School, the thought goes, you really don't need much more help affirmative-action-wise. I think you do, though. Not just for black students, but for all students of color. Even for us "so-successful-we're-not-considered-minorities" Asians.

(Success report -- which may make you say "What the hell is she complaining about?": out of 7 interviews so far, have gotten call-backs for 5. Caveat: the market I'm looking into isn't very competitive.)

2:25 p.m.
A huge storm is going to blow through here -- the wind is tossing the trees about like crazy -- and I have a feeling it will start at the exact moment I step outside to go to my second interview today (and last one of the week!).

2:30 p.m. (while reading employment law book)
Damn. Kmart really IS that evil.

(Reading a case where a Kmart cashier was accused of stealing from a customer, had her pockets turned out, was made to search the area with others, had her register counted -- it came out perfect -- and finally, was strip searched. In front of the customer. Who said the cashier didn' t have to remove her underwear, since she could see right through it. For $20.)

2:39 p.m.
ANOTHER KMart case. Searching an employee's locker.

Okay, waking up at 5 or 6 am to read Evidence is not working out for me; I'm so tired the rest of the day, I can't concentrate very well and end up flitting from task to task. And I've stopped paying attention in Legal History. Must get back on track with classes. I DO have time -- didn't have to watch 45 minutes of Sex and the City last night. On the other hand, must decompress sometimes, else head with explode. And after all, mother did say: "Why are you so obsessed about getting As? Cs are fine!"

3:15 p.m.
Did I call it, or what? It's horrible out there. It's raining sideways.

3:40 p.m. (I was in my interview, but just pretend with me)
Oh god. Two middle-aged white lawyers across from me, with their papers stacked neatly on white table cloth. This is the stuffiest, most formal and most suffocating interview yet. Ew. And oh no. Because this is one of the UK firms with the really global practice, and summer interns get to split their summers between 2 of three offices in NYC, London and Hong Kong. Damn.

4:15 p.m.
Ugh. Hospitality suite associates also annoying. Must forget this firm. But -- woo woo! Cute boy in one of my classes is here, looking like a million bucks in his dapper grey wool suit. And look, we're talking! Hooray for small joys.

6:59 p.m.
Wow. I understand what brilliance is now. Just came back from talk about education given by a professor from the place I ALMOST went to law school, in the Golden State. He talked about making a constitutional argument for equality of education between states. There's a huge disparity between the quality of education when you talk about states. He was looking at the 14th Amendment's equal protection clause as a possible way to argue it. Interesting, important, socially constructive, creative law. Who the hell knew? I so should have gone to Golden State Law School. Damn.

(It appears I like property, employment, and now maybe education law. I hate legal research and advocating. And all this equals...?)

Oh, and the brilliance comment -- just the way in which he broke complicated statistical evidence down into simple language, the way in which he talked, and the way in which he made connections between people's questions and drew on related examples so fluidly and eloquently... man, it was amazing.

It's always nice to see a brotha doing so well. I know that sounds a little funny coming from an Asian American. Joiner laughs at me whenever I see Sandra Oh on TV and say things like, "Yo, a sista! Holla," but honestly, I am really moved whenever I see peeps represented on TV shows or commercials, on billboards, and in magazine articles and ads. When hk was growing up, there wasn't much of that. I don't remember TV shows having any Asian characters (save Star Trek). I definitely don't remember Asians in commercials, which is almost the bigger deal -- if we can sell cars, insurance, banks, and fast food to middle America, we've made it.

And I've made it almost to the end of the week! No interviews for three days, just one class to deal with tomorrow, and the promise of a beer with the French King and Def and Stave on Saturday.

Oh gosh, and I should tell you: I had a talk with Friend last night, and I told him flat out that I had come to a resolution about us, and that I had concluded that we wouldn't work out. It's been tetchy lately because we sort of hooked up but not really in the first week of school, and then we were going to talk but he wasn't ready, and then I got extremely busy and didn't have time, so we finally talked last night. And I said, sorry dude, there's no chance for us. (Which I realized increasingly over this past month, after talking with Double M and going to Def and Stave's housewarming and seeing what a really different stage of life I was in.)

To which he asked, "Would it have made any difference if I'd decided I wanted to be with you at the beginning of the school year? Because I started leaning more that way after we came back from summer."

And hk said: NO.

And hk, upon thinking about it, is thoroughly disgusted with conflicted, indecisive Friends.

And hk told Friend that she didn't really want to see him for the next three weeks because she was annoyed at him in the way that you get annoyed with someone after you experience a big shift in emotions about them, but that it would probably go away and so why don't we just not hang out until after on-campus interviewing is over.

And hk is content she did right.