Philly.

It’s raining cats and dogs and elephants, with a good dose of wind thrown in, and I’m in the Divine Tracy Hotel, dry and warm after a shower. It wasn’t quite so wild when I got off the bus in Chinatown and walked over to meet Double M at the American Philosophical Society library, but after lunch at the Bourse, it started raining in earnest. Double M got me on the right bus, which dropped me off two blocks from the hotel. She also suggested that I change to a skirt in the university bookstore, but I had neither the energy nor the inclination to stop off and change from my wet travel pants to a skirt that would also have gotten immediately soaked, so I swept into the lobby all wind-blown and wide-eyed and was told off when I asked if I had to change to a skirt: “Well, you SHOULD have been wearing one before you came in!” I don’t think she meant only to enter this hotel, either.

The hotel, which is located in the Penn campus, pretty much, is cozy, in a grandmotherly way. Which makes sense, since everyone who works here looks, at the very least, like a grandmother, if not a great-grandmother. There’s a hilarious set of rules that all the grandmothers are very strict about, including:

- In order to maintain this standard of Modesty, Independence, Honesty, and Righteousness, you are required to adhere to the following rules and regulations. Upon violation of any of these rules the management, at their discretion, may check out you out.
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ARE ACCOMMODATED ON SEPARATE FLOORS AND MAY SEE EACH OTHER ONLY IN THE HOTEL LOBBY.
- NO VULGARITY, OBSCENITY OR BLASPHEMY
- ATTIRE MUST BE MODEST AT ALL TIMES.
- Ladies: NO pant suits or slacks. NO shorts or mini skirts. MUST wear stockings.
- Gentlemen: NO shorts or sleeveless tops. NO shirts on the outside of trousers unless made to be worn that way. MUST wear socks.
- FOOD is not to be eaten in the room. Only candy, fresh fruit, (no melons), nuts, cookies and a cold or hot drink may be taken to the room.

The room isn’t bad – the furniture is what you might find in an archetypal American grandparents’ house, but everything seems clean. There’s a bureau, a desk, a bed, a walk-in closet. On the whole, not bad – especially for $140 a week! That’s incredible.

But what’s with the melons? Are they too sexy?