Britney and the U.S. DTMFA*

I know some people have bristled at the sight of Britney's filing for divorce occupying prime news space on CNN and other reputable news sites on the first day of lightness and joy in this country since 2000. Apparently, they think this is further proof that this country is going to pot, that Americans don't care about anything but bubble gum pop culture, that media outlets are pandering to the lowest denominator.

But these Glum Guses and Moaning Myrtles are missing the point! Of COURSE K-Fed got kicked to the curb the same day that Democrats took the House (and, we hope, the Senate). Of COURSE Britney said, "K-Fizzle, you are TOXIC and I am DONE" the same day that Dems swept governors' races across the country (with the notable exception of the Terminator -- Cali! I am so ashamed of you! Go to your room and THINK about what you've done!).

And why? Because Brit IS America, dude. I present the proof:

1. Brit got married to K-Fed in 2004 (the year of the last election -- not a coincidence!) the way that America got married (or re-married, but that's debatable -- see "2000, presidential election of") to an intellectually challenged tall white guy with a penchant for boozing and partying.
2. The world groaned, 'cause really -- K-Fed? He of the raggedy cut-off pants and questionable hygiene? Similarly, the world groaned with the election of GWB in Nov. 2004, 'cause really -- GWB? Didn't America know better by then? He of the draft avoidance and the college Cs? This is who we wanted to represent us in the world?
3. K-Fed starts spending Brit's money. LOTS of Brit's money. On questionable items, like a $300,000 watch. Similarly, GWB spends money like crazy on questionable items such as the war in Iraq.
4. Brit gets pissed and depressed. Rumors fly that she cuts off K-Fed's allowance, etc. Similarly, America registers its disapproval of GWB through ratings lower than any other president since Nixon.
5. K-Fed attempts to distract Brit with another baby. GWB tries to distract America with the war on terror.
6. 2006 - Brit BRINGS it. She dumps the mofo, comes out smiling and svelte, and generally exudes the following: "You smirking, no-talent, worthless schmuck. You have taken your last Las Vegas trip on my dime. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE." Similarly, America brushed itself off and said, "You know what? I don't really see what you've done for me, GWB. I thought you were a good guy. I know, I know, a little light in the smarts area, but basically a good guy. But every country in the world hates us, we never found any WMD, we're embroiled in a war we can't extricate ourselves from, you've racked up the deficit again -- you! a Republican! -- I can't bring my mascara on board with me any more, and you know what? I'm DONE. Get you and yours OUT OF MY HOUSE."

Boo yah!

Brit and America: basically sweet, dumb as a brick, and fighting back. Congrats, you two. The world thanks you both.

* Dump the M'F**er Already (TM, Dan Savage)