Ghosts from the past

On my 30th, I received an email from my ex of 3 years ago, wishing me a happy birthday. Two emails later, I'm sitting here thoughtful and a little pensive, as you are wont to be after hearing about someone you thought you might never hear from again.

I broke up with my ex (almost exactly 3 years ago-- christ) in the most excruciating breakup of my life, and since then, have received emails from him once a year, on my birthday. I've wondered what he was up to, worried if he'd been called back into service (he was in the army when we met), hoped that he was doing better than when we broke up. Back then, he was broke, living with relatives, struggling to get through school, and thinking periodically of going back into the army.

Well, 3 years after the fact, he's on his feet, perhaps better than ever before: engaged, a houseowner, holding a steady job, finishing his degree. He even has the hound he always wanted. It appears that life, if not fair, can reward you for getting through the tough times.

I've long been over the agonizing, almost crippling sense of guilt I felt after breaking up with my ex, but my memories of him still have a shadow of that guilt tinting every photograph and reminiscence. I've thought that if I could only know that he was doing well, I could let go of the guilt completely.

Well, he's doing well. And I hope that the guilt finally is laid to rest. But it seems appropriate to spend a little time today thinking about the ways in which he enriched my life and continues to enrich it, not in a once-I-went-out-with-a-non-Ivy-guy-and-lived-to-talk-about-it kind of way, but in a "I once went out with a guy who had the biggest capacity for love of anyone I've ever met, and I became a better person because of him" kind of way.

By the way, that non-Ivy thing? Turns out he got into Stanford. The college that rejected me. How about them apples?