It appears that my approach to firm dinners has not gone unnoticed. To wit, tonight's dinner (tapas, paella, and luscious desserts: manchego cheese/quince paste, fruit and chocolate crepe, almond cake, "ubiquitous flan") started out pretty positive but turned excruciating about an hour in. At some point, I gave into fatigue and essentially stopped talking or even pretending to listen -- I just blissfully ate my manchego and grapes and eviscerated the crepe without making eye contact with anyone. Usually I would leave that point, but because of the small number of offerees (5) and the intimate setting, I felt somehow guilty about leaving early. Finally, one of the offerees, Broke Nose, stood up and made apologies, and three of us (Broken Nose, Diplomat, and me) left en masse.

Outside the restaurant:

Broke Nose: "Dude, didn't you see me trying to make eye contact with you?"

"What?"

"Dude, I have to tell you, you have been an inspiration all this season. You're always the last to arrive and the first to leave, so I was wondering, 'Why the hell isn't she leaving?'"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes! Finally, I decided I had to do it, so that's why I got up."

Diplomat: "Really?"

"Yeah," I admitted, "I usually have a 90 minute rule -- that's all I can take -- and I want to eat, so I arrive about 45 minutes late and leave right after dessert. But tonight, I don't know, I felt weird..."

Broke Nose: "Dude, I kept thinking, 'Why isn't she leaving! She always leaves early!' And you're always making these deep connections with the people -- like last week, at the other Mighty Big UK Firm dinner, you were like bonding with that woman from the UK, and I was like, 'Are they sisters?' They're totally bonding!"

"She was a talker," I protested, "I could have not been there at all, and she would have talked the same amount!"

"And at that other dinner, you arrived like 45 minutes late and you were making the whole table laugh!"

"Uh, that's not true."

"Well, at that dinner, I was the only offeree at my table, and they were all trying to bribe me to come with Mets tickets, saying they'd get a prize if they got me to come to their firm."

Broken Nose, Diplomat and I agreed, "At first these firm dinners seemed like a good idea -- free food and all -- but you really pay for it in blood, sweat, and tears."

Diplomat complained, "Yeah, I was there first, and I was staring at those two empty chairs and thinking, 'Who the hell are these people, and WHY aren't they here yet?' The guy next to me was checking his Blackberry at first, until the partner told him to stop."

This was the last firm dinner. And I am so glad.

I must admit to being a little smug about my MO. Heh.