Mawiage

My friend Cliff, who in MI (military intelligence to you and me), went to China for a business trip a couple days ago, and told me that it's routine for the Chinese army to search American MI soldiers' rooms while they are out. So they are told to be very careful about what they bring -- absolutely no computers or equipment of any kind that might contain any sort of information about anything.

I know that shouldn't be a surprise, but I was still... surprised. Secret spy stuff! Wooo!

Ciff's got an unusual story -- he was adopted by his aunt (Korean) and uncle (Caucasian American and military) when he was 9 years old and lived in the American midwest from then on. He's not a Korean adoptee per se, because he has a family here in Korea -- he was just picked out of his 5 brothers and sisters to move to the U.S. some 20 years ago, because ...? I'm not sure even now what the reason was. So he grew up one of two Asian kids at his high school in Oklahoma, and became entirely Americanized. Married a Caucasian woman, has three kids, is entirely secure in his loyalty to the United States.

BC and I went out to dinner with Cliff and his wife on my birthday, and his wife said something interesting on the way out of the restaurant: I was walking beside Cliff, and she said, "You know, people are going to think that you and hk are married." And with that, she caught up his arm and walked with him outside.

I never really thought about it before, but it must be hard being married to an ethnic Korean man in Korea if you're Caucasian. American-Korean marriages are pretty normal here thanks to the huge U.S. presence, but it's usually a Caucasian male-Korean female combination, which isn't too hard for the male side, because 1. it's a man's world here, and men have much fewer obligations than women in regard to familial interactions; and 2. white men are in such a privileged position here that they're not expected to know or do things the Korean way.

Cliff's wife, on the other hand, has to deal with not meeting the expectations of a Korean wife, which are backbreakingly numerous. She's given leeway, obviously, because she's not Korean, but she clearly feels how much of an outsider she is. Tough deal.

I was studying with Cliff and Aki for our final last month, and while Aki was taking a phone call outside the classroom, we fell to talking, which is when I found out about his unusual childhood (can you imagine the conflict?). He also said, "If I had to do it again -- and this is taking nothing away from my wife, who is wonderful -- I think I'd probably look for a Korean girl to marry. It's just easier."

I understood completely. It's not that he regrets marrying his wife, or that he doesn't think the moon of her. It's just that it's tough being part of a culture that your partner can only see and experience the top layer of. I've never dated an Asian guy myself, and I wonder now, having lived in Korea for a year and a half and experienced the culture to some extent as someone who sorta belongs to it, how hard it would be to be married to someone who didn't understand that culture -- and ergo, me -- to at least the extent I do. If there were kids in the picture, it would be that much more complicated. Fortunately, I don't want any rugrats, so that's that. But it would still be frustrating.

Tough deal for both.

I'm not saying I want to marry KB, or entertain any notions about that, but if I did marry a non-Korean, KB would be the ideal type of westerner to marry -- already conversant in the language, appreciative of the culture, and cognizant of the privileges he's accorded as a western male.

It'll be interesting to see if my views on this topic change when I'm back in the States. How much will Korea have changed me? How much will it still be affecting me when I'm back? And will I still be boring you all with this blog when I'm a law student? Hm.