I wrote the below on Thursday, but couldn't get the darn thing to post for a few days.

Okay, You're Probably Not SARS And Some Other Non-Related Brainfarts

Seems that it was a mistake, and that the supposed SARS patient has responded well to antibiotics. Goody.

Today's Labor Day here, so I had the afternoon off. I should comment on the significance of this day in Korea, but all I can think of is that labor here is still cheap compared to the U.S. And that labor demonstrations are sort of a Korean trademark. But I really can't think of much else. Possibly because I don't know much else.

After class I had lunch with some classmates and then met Tex, the American missionary, to go see the War Memorial, a reputedly excellent museum on Korean history. I can't confirm that, however, because we opted to go to a cafe instead and catch up instead (I hadn't seen her for 2 months). After a long chat, she left, and I went to see the Muslim mosque nearby.

The mosque was not very impressive, actually. I probably missed some parts of the building, but I did sit quietly in the main worship room (I think) for 15 minutes or so, soaking in the silence.

After the 15 minutes, some Arab-looking gentlemen came in, and I felt kind of uncomfortable, being: 1. American, 2. a woman, and 3. completely ignorant of proper behavior in a mosque. Perhaps I needed to cover my head? I don't know. So I left. But I think I may have seen the only Turkish restaurant in Seoul nearby, which is kind of cool.
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I found out today that someone in my "class" of paralegals at Justice is the proud father of twins. I last saw him about eight months ago, when they had just found out she was pregnant, and I asked him, "Are you nervous at all? I think you'll make a great father, but are you ready?" He replied, "You know, Helen, I think I am. I've just gotten to the point where I'm tired of making myself my priority. I want to put someone else first now."

I was blinkered by this statement. Blinkered! I couldn't comprehend taking on such a massive responsibility. I still can't. And to put someone else as your priority? I have way too much growing up left to do, way too many things on my "to do" list to mark off before I get tied down to one person, one place, one job. My friend, in the six years I've known him, has always been extraordinarily mature and insightful, and I really marvel at it.

These days, though, I'm beginning to kind of understand that statement he made last summer in DC's Union Station. I can't really pin it down to one thing or another. Part of it is that I've been doing so much circular, nonproductive thinking about my relationships with people. (I can't remotely express how frustrating it is to be stuck in my head, going round after round with thought leading to thought, and none of them ever leading to a Conclusion. Suffice to say that sometimes I was mightily tempted to beat my head against a wall just to concentrate on something else.) Another part of this new understanding of mine is due to my aunt giving me money last weekend, when I went with my dad to visit my dying uncle. I tried to refuse it -- why should I be taking money from a woman whose husband is dying? -- but at some point it seemed ruder to refuse it than just take it with thanks.

Taking the money, for some reason, upset me greatly. Why should my aunt, or anyone else for that matter, be giving me money, or gifts, or favors, or meals, or anything? What have I done to deserve all this great luck that has followed me in my life so far? And what have I done to circulate this luck?

Damn little.

So suddenly, probably only since Sunday, I am feeling tired of being number 1 in my life. And while I'm not any more open to having children, I see now the appeal of choosing a place, a partner, an occupation. I think I'm a lot closer to being ready to settle down than I was seven months ago. I think I might be growing up.