Perplexed

Grades were posted today, so barring a failing grade on my 3L paper, I will actually be getting a diploma next week.

(Amusing sidenote about my 3L paper, by the way: on Tuesday, I got an email from my advisor while I was sitting in Barbri class, which simply said, "hi - could you give me a quick call - nothing important." When I called him about an hour later, he said, "Oh, yeah, don't worry, I found it." Found what? "I couldn't remember if you'd given me a hard copy of your paper or not, but I found it." Um, I only gave you a hard copy. Do you want an electronic copy? "No, no, it's fine. Great. Thanks." Mind you, this is 2 days before grades are posted, which means that grades were due last week.)

I got a B+ in admin, because I get a B+ in every traditional law school class, no matter how long or little I study, so I am relieved, but not surprised. I got a big, fat A in my global governance class, which surprises me a little, since that would mean that my crazy proposals to leverage Southeast Asia trade relations, use anti-American sentiment and accept China's designation of North Korean refugees as "economic migrants" as part of a plan to help North Korean refugees in China actually sounded sane to my professor. He might have just been amused, though, and given me an A for the sheer fun of it -- he seemed freewheeling enough for that. (North Korea should still DIE, though.)

But here's where I'm perplexed: The Turtle gave me an A- for both his class and the clinical. Now, an A- ain't shabby, true. But he was so effusive in his praise throughout the term, I don't know what to make of the minus. What could have I done to get the straight out A, if he wrote things like "your ethical and professional values were on shining display this semester ... excellent job of educating yourself ... demonstrated a high level of independence, initiative, and reliability" on my final evaluation? I mean, really, what more was I supposed to do? Boo.

Sigh. I've gotten three flat out As during school: my history class at the grad school, my governance class at the school of government, and my clinical last term at the state civil rights agency. Not to beat a dead horse again, but -- what the heck, let's flog it one more time for the Gipper: it's so telling that 2 of them were classes I took outside the law school. Those 2 were the ones I enjoyed the most, too.

Emotional temperature today: still feel like tears are just underneath the surface, somehow. I don't know what's what, but it's not good. No. Wait. I DO know what's what: I'm discouraged about funding, stressed about graduation, annoyed with Barbri, sleep-deprived, and frustrated with Scientist. That seems like enough.

Oh, and speaking of Scientist, there's been no contact (from either side) with him since midday Monday.

Honestly, I'm this close to throwing in the towel with both The Turtle and Scientist (who, amusingly, have the same first name. and blue eyes. and both run. and are both tall and thin. huh) and just moving to New York. I can't deal with this state of indecision.