Up and unhappy about it

It's 6:30 am, I've been up since 3:30 am, and the snow is blowing sideways onto the streets of Crimson. The big nor'easter is here.

My eyes popped open three hours ago and I can't fall asleep again. For some reason, I got it into my head last year that megadoses of vitamin C can cause insomnia (true? no se, padre), so I could blame the bottle of orange juice and two Clementines I had before going to sleep at 11:30.

Man, it's really horrible outside. The sky's getting lighter -- think a shift from dark gray to a kind of dirty periwinkle -- and now I can see how much snow is moving through the air. (A lot.)

My waking up could have been caused by the snow removal trucks going by in the wee hours, scraping the street free of the white stuff. Loud. It would be nice if we could just say, "Hey, you know, it's fricking snowing bricks out there, so just stay in your house, okay? 'Cause you know those snow removal trucks wake hk up at the ungodly hour of 3:30 am. Not to mention having those poor snow removal guys actually out there at the ungodly hour of 3:30 am. Let's just skip the removal, stay tight until the snow stops blowing a foot an hour, and then deal with it. Huh? Whaddya think?"

It could also be dehydration (I'm somewhat convinced that I'm developing diabetes, I'm so goddamn thirsty all the time these days).

Or, it could be that I'm bothered by something. Fulfilling some sort of cliche, I've had sleepless nights caused by romantic anguish (most recently by a disappointing performance by Not-Gay Boyfriend), but I'm not in any sort of trouble with that tonight. If I'm bothered by anything, it's by the mediation program, I guess. Small things in the past week have made me feel rather unappreciated. Things that probably wouldn't bother me if I weren't still sort of run down and unhealthy. Like, feeling that one of the people I work with is getting more respect and recognition for the work she does than I do. And feeling like I'm not that good at mediation. And feeling like I'm forgettable, even though I'm one of the flipping Board members. And feeling like I'm just sort of taken for granted.

I don't know. It could all be in my head. I'm just so frickin' tired, physically, and little, possibly imagined slights are getting to me. I just feel so incompetent about making decisions, handling people, training, everything.

Sigh. I guess I'll try to catch an hour and a half of sleep before mediation training starts again.