It's the third or fourth grey day in a row here in Crimson City. Abnormally cold -- a disheartening 42 degrees when I got up today.

Def and Stave are here this weekend, house-hunting. I saw them yesterday for a few hours and was very much encouraged when I realized (again -- I keep forgetting it here) that in the normal world of adults and life, maturity and consideration are valued parts of human interaction. They came by the dorm to borrow my computer for a bit, and they remarked (as all my friends have done) how young the people in the hall seem. And so they are.

This is something I know and yet need constant reminding of in order not to fall into a deep blue funk about the disconnect I feel, and the loneliness, at times. Right now is an appropriate time for disconnect and loneliness; the hall has virtually emptied out, Joiner is at home this weekend, and I have been feeling very strange and annoyed and teary about Friend. I barely thought of him at all during reading period, and then finals came and finals went, and it's been very awkward and weird. Remember the knocks on the door a couple times a day? Gone. it's really remarkable how little you can see someone who lives within 10 feet of you.

In my mind, whatever "relationship" Friend and I had is over and gone with -- I can't date someone who makes no effort to see me. It does make me sad, and annoyed at myself for having gotten in this situation.

The law review competition is well on its way, but I've been hanging back in the rear end of the car, intimidated by the 8-hour-a-day goal that others have set for themselves. It feels rather hopeless, even if the topic is interesting. I've got exactly five days left, but the amount of work to do seems insurmountable.

I really should stop reading E.B. White essays over lunch. They are so beautifully written, but I seem to read only the deeply depressing ones. Today I read a short one while eating my mac and cheeze (soy cheese!). It was about his move from one New York apartment to another, and summed up the feeling of loss associated with moving: "And in every place he abandons he leaves something vital, it seems to me, and starts his new life somewhat less encrusted, like a lobster that has shed its skin and is for a time soft and vulnerable."

It is really depressing with no one around.