Ladies and germs of the jury, I present to you -- men.

MEN ON TRIAL -- CRIMES:

1. Fuckwittage.

As per SOP, I got upset at Friend last night during a hook-up because really, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? You clearly enjoy spending time with me. You seek out my attention and time. You've taken the time to get to know me. You aren't interested in anyone else. You find me attractive. You missed me over spring break. And yet you're not sure if you want to date me. So I ask you -- what do you want from me?

I know I made Friend feel bad, and I admit to even purposely doing so. I just don't understand. I don't understand.

2. Creepiness.

After Friend left, I -- weary, confused, and PMS-y -- sat and cried for a little while, despising my own wishy-washiness in this whole messy business. And then I turned off the lights and crawled into bed. It was about 4:45 am.

Around 4:55 am, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Good morning," a man whispered. "Did I wake you up?"

"Who is this?"

"Don't you know who this is?"

I thought for a second. For a moment I thought it was Friend, but I dismissed that as crazy -- why would he call now? And why would any of my guy friends be calling me at this ungodly hour?

"No," I replied, "Who is this?"

Again in a whisper: "Guess."

"I don't know. Who are you?"

"Don't you know?"

"I'm hanging up."

Click.

A moment later, the phone rang again.

"Hello?"

The whisper: "Why'd you hang up on me?"

I hung up without saying anything.

MEN ON TRIAL -- MITIGATING FACTORS:

1. Caring.

The freaky thing about this phone call was that someone else in my hall also got a similar phone call at a similar hour, but she had mistaken the guy for her boyfriend for a minute before realizing. The creep actually said to her: "Take your pants off, I'm coming over," before she hung up and, freaked out, went over to her neighbor's room.

If it had been during the day, I would have been annoyed, but would have dismissed it to some loser trying to get his jollies by making idiotic phone calls. But in the week hours of the morning, with the sky still dark and no one around, the sibilant whisper got to me. What if the caller knew where my room was? What if he wasn't just a harmless creep? So I went to Friend's door and knocked.

After telling him the story, he came back to my room with me so I could shut and lock the window, and lock my door. He then spent 20 minutes searching for the email that both of us sort of remembered addressing this caller, and got the Crimson College campus police number for me. And he offered to let me stay in his room. I declined.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "No, I'm not!" I answered in a higher-pitched voice than usual, born out of general fatigue and unease about the phone call. "Well, then hold on," Friend said, soothingly.

I did end up sleeping in Friend's room, which was a lot more comforting than lying awake thinking some creep was outside my window.

MEN ON TRIAL -- FAIR TO MIDDLING:

I woke up at 8:45 and decided to sleep the rest of the morning in my own bed. At around 10:30, I got up to go on my blind date at Chi Chi Hotel Restaurant. Gen had set us up, most because (I think) we're both Korean Americans. Which -- whatever.

The food was adequate, which, in light of the $16 entree prices, was kind of unacceptable. But I offered, he paid, and we had a smooth full hour of conversation. It was ... unoffensive. No sparks, but no awkwardness. Neither of us was particularly impressed with the other, I felt, but we weren't disgusted either.

MEN ON TRIAL -- JUDGMENT:

Oh, you knew there wasn't going to be a judgment. This was just a cutesy way to get all the events in of the past 16 hours. But here's a wrap-up of the events:

1. Creepiness.

I filed a report on the creepy caller. When I called the campus police, they said this guy apparently got a hold of the student directory and has been calling women on campus the whole year. They think he's based in Florida. It's random, and he seems to want to make women believe that he was their boyfriend, in order to elicit some reaction when they realized he wasn't. He calls at 5 in the morning to catch women off guard. I asked if he'd be charged with something if they ever caught him, and the officer said yes, harrassment, but I don't know about that -- since he calls different women, can it be harrassment? Can you be charged with harrassment of a community of women? I don't know. I do know, because the officer who took the report said so, that he called someone last night too.

I doubt he'll call me again, but no one should have to receive a phone call like that. It's violative of your personal space, your safe zone, your home. The woman two doors down from me was so scared that she went to her neighbor's room crying. I'd personally like to beat the crap out of him for being such a fucking creep and getting his jollies from scaring women.

The stupid and enraging thing about this is that it's been going on all year. Like in the case of the Peeping Tom (who, I hear, the school found but who has not been kicked out), Crimson College doesn't seem to put great priority on informing students. One woman in my hall suggested I unplug the phone from certain times. But why should I have to do that in order to be free of creepy phone calls? It makes me angry -- angry at Crimson, angry at men, angry about the world. And I get angry that more people don't get angry. Apparently, the woman across the hall from me also got a call this morning at 5:15 am, but she just hung up. This is the same woman whose window, during the night a few days ago, was wide open in the morning and the screen shoved halfway open. Our RA, overhearing this, said that last year, someone climbed into a girl's room through her window, but left after the girl screamed.

Why weren't we told about this? Why are women placed on the first floor of the dorms, which are easily accessible from the ground (I have entered and exited through dorm windows with no problem)? Why hasn't the Peeper been tossed out of school, or identified to the women students? Why has the school resorted to electronic monitoring of who goes into women's bathrooms, when the real problem is the fucking Peeper and his sicko ways of getting kicks?

2. Fuckwittage.

Friend and I had a short talk this afternoon. I basically said, look, it would be fine with me if we dated, but you've got to want to do it, not feel pressured into it by me or the situation. At one point he said, "Okay, let's try it," and I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. This would be a kind of fucked up way to start dating.

We're going to talk again later.

It's a very postmodern, overly analytical situation.

It's fucked up.

No, it's stupid.

No, I'M stupid.

3. Caring and Fair-to-Middling

The officer who took my statement said he was angry that this happened to me, he would be angry if it happened to his sister, and he sometimes thought it would be a good idea if the guy had to confront all the women he's woken up at 5 am with his whispered "Good morning"s. I wouldn't mind having the chance to give him the best right hook I have. Or better yet, I wouldn't mind having the chance to make him feel creeped out and unsafe. This is not a feeling that a lot of men can fully empathize with, and I so wish they could.

The Blind Date said he'd email me in a week or two, so he and I and Gen could all hang out. I don't expect to hear from him, but hey! Thanks for lunch, dude!