How To Get A Free Lamb Kabob On Christmas Eve In SF

1. Get yourself a sis-in-law like J1, who will buy tickets for the SF Gay Men's Choir, 9 pm show.

2. Go with J1 and bigbro to Dalva, a bar.

3. Drink yourself silly on a Grey Goose vodka martini, with the perfect amount of vermouth (swished around the glass and then tossed out).

4. Weave over to Pakwan, a Pakistani eatery.

5. Order your food.

6. Wait.

7. Realize that people who arrived after you are getting food before you.

8. Stumble over to the counter and demand food.

9. Return triumphantly with food.

10. Look up through Grey Goose haze at counter guy, who has come over to apologize for food delay.

11. Accept offer of free dish as apology, blink and look quizzical when he says something else.

12. Smile uncertainly as he says, "I said, you have pretty eyes."

13. Beam as it sinks in and deliberately say, "This is my brother, and my sister-in-law."

14. Chortle as J1 says, "Omigod, did you see his eyes when you introduced bigbro?"

15. Enjoy free lamb kabob.