More decisiveness crack, please

I must be on some kind of crack today, because I decided that yes, I am going to try to stay here another year and continue this clinical project with The Turtle, and this is the reason why: I was flipping through a guide to New York last night, and I thought, "Meh." Seriously. And when The Ringleted One and Miracle Gro encouraged me to do it, I was all, "Hm... yeah... could do..." And this morning, in my and The Turtle's meeting with the state agency chair and his lackey, I had a rocking good time. I did! Being all kind of lobbyist and shit!

So when The Turtle took me out to lunch afterwards to debrief and compliment me on my work this term using all kinds of superlatives, I was just ... hooked. Why the hell not? I love working with The Turtle, and I loved all the strategizing and the information-gathering and the few instances where I got to be a smooth talker, and I ... am going to try to stay here another year. Jesus.

You know what it is? I've been hoodwinked by spring, that sly bitch. It was a gorgeous day today, warm and breezy, and everything seemed full of promise. And so I told The Turtle that I would commit to finding out if the firm would let me defer my start date for a year if he would start thinking about possible funding sources, and he agreed and said he'd do anything it took to get me the funding and gave me a hug, and I sent an email off to the firm this afternoon, and I am now stupidly, instinct-followingly, spring-maddenedly unsettled once again.

Which has absolutely nothing to do with solving North Korea's human rights crisis, but -- eh, that's easy enough. Just 13 pages to go.

Latest Sweet, Smart Scientist news: I was getting all pissy and annoyed about the fact that he hadn't called since Saturday night, but he called tonight. What do you do with a man who says he thinks it's not fair to himself to commit to dating me exclusively for 4 months, but then keeps calling? Am I getting played? Or is he really that conflicted? Because am I really that fantabulous? Really that irresistible?