Freaky deaky
(Or: "Of Wounded Bats and Wandering Uteri")

So I come back from watching TV in Joiner's room at 11 or so, and lean against my bed to get my pajamas, when I feel something wet on my shin.

"Huh," thinks I, as I look at my leg. "That looks like blood."

There's a smear of red liquid on my shin. On closer investigation, it appears to have come from my bedspread, hanging over the side of my bed, which has a red stain on it.

"Holy shit," thinks I. "Is that blood?"

So I do what anyone would do, which is -- drop to my knees and look under the bed (nothing), and open both closets and poke around (nothing there either). And then I call Joiner: "Uh, so there's something in my room..."

She comes up.

"See?" I point out. "That's blood, right? And it's fresh -- I brushed up against it and it was wet. And I haven't been in this room for 2 hours. So what the hell?"

We confirm that I'm not bleeding. I mean, I am bleeding, insofar as I am having my period right now, but I'm not hemorraging anywhere.

"Maybe we should call the campus police and have them take a swab and do a DNA test," she CSI's.

"Maybe I'll call Resident Evil," I say. So I do.

Resident Evil comes up and is not impressed. "Yeah, that's weird." She pauses for a second. "Maybe a wounded bat came in through the window."

Joiner, upon inspecting the stain, says, "You know, this does look like period blood. Maybe it was, uh, some ... inadvertent use of, uh, menstrual ... liquid."

"Look," I say patiently, "I did not mistake my blanket for a tampon. I think I would know if I were ejecting blood from my body onto my blanket."

"Actually, it's technically not blood," Resident Evil offers.

"What is it?"

"Uterine lining," Joiner says.

"Great," I say. "Now I'm flinging uterine lining at my blanket? Without knowing it?"

"Well, maybe your uterus took a walk," Resident Evil deadpans.

Joiner looks at the pattern on my blanket. "Well, it looks like you probably caused it to smear when you brushed past it, so it was probably just a small blob of blood originally."

"Yeah, that sounds right," Resident Evil agrees.

"Um, okay. But that still doesn't address the question of HOW DID IT GET THERE?!?" I say.

"The bat," Resident Evil says solemnly. "The bat."

"Or a poltergeist," Joiner helpfully suggests.

"Or Bloody Mary," Resident Evil adds.

"Great," I reply. "So when you find me bloody and bludgeoned in the morning..."

"Knock on wood!" Joiner commands.

Both offer to either sleep in my room with me or have me sleep in their rooms, but I play the battle of the martyrs and turn them down. And now I'm alone in my room again. With the mysterious ... uterine lining on the blanket (now on the floor). Freaky!