This week, as part of a violent reaction against three weeks of a little reading, a little class, and a whole lotta interviewing, I've thrown myself into talks and presentations around school. The wonderful thing about Crimson -- besides its billion-dollar endowment -- is its ability to draw such amazing speakers and lecturers. I didn't go to many last year because of all the fucking reading I was always doing, and the activities I foolishly overloaded on. But this week I've had some time to actually take advantage of the plethora of opportunities to learn outside the classroom. Call it a spiritual shake-up.

So on Monday I went to a panel featuring four white men on private international law. Corporate finance, mostly. Ugh. Duller than a block of wood.

Yesterday morning, the head of the civil rights bureau in New York gave a talk in our employment class, which was awesome. Employment discrimination is where it's AT, yo. I actually saw him again tonight at another panel on government law, and just wrote him an email about non-litigation legal jobs in employment discrimination. Yes, I'm actually that interested in it. It's a weird feeling.

Yesterday at noon, I was most disturbed to find that, by the time I arrived, there was no more pizza at the lunchtime talk I'd signed up for. But the talk was so interesting, I couldn't leave! Who knew that the Auditor-General of the Asian Development Bank -- another white man, but Dutch (perhaps that's the difference?) -- could be so engaging and funny? And that the ADB is actually a player in some of the human rights projects I help coordinate? (The ADB is like the World Bank -- it gives loans to countries for public projects. Auditor-General Man was talking about fighting corruption in the project assignment process.)

Last night I went to a bit of a nutty talk by one of the big mediator/negotiator folks on campus, who happens to be looking into the spiritual aspects of life and how that could improve negotiations. So she showed "Dead Poets Society" and then had a touchy feely talk about it afterwards, which involved throwing an invisible beach ball around at one point (don't ask). She encouraged us at the end to pursue our dreams and our passions. Unexpected. And nice.

Tonight, I went to a panel about government law, like I mentioned above, which featured the former chief defense counsel for the Department of Defense, the general counsel to a big community development agency, and the aforementioned bureau chief. I practically ran down to talk to bureau chief man at the end. You gotta be quick when there are 20 eager beaver 1Ls with eager beaver questions. It's cool that you're so eager, kiddies, but hk needs a JOB. Outta the way.

At the end of the panel, the moderator asked for a concluding thought from each panelist, and the Defense Department Dude, who struck me as deeply spiritual and thoughtful, said, "Listen to your heart. Follow your passion." ARGH. It's like the whole world is telling me: "What the fuck are you doing, hk? What happened to your heart?"

Somehow, it must all fit together, right? Somewhere there's a place for me, isn't there?