Today I was sitting in the library where the interns are housed, while one of the lawyers and the other intern did a client intake session. Without going into details, which I can't divulge (even to the point of identifying anyone as a client of our organization), it sounded like a caseworker had treated the client without even a shred of respect, even telling her that she was going to "teach her a lesson." The lawyer said, "Well, ma'am, we're going to teach her a lesson," and the woman put her head down and sobbed. "They have all the power," she cried, "and [the caseworker ] was like a hound you let loose and it goes after a chicken."

Welcome to being poor.

It was great that this organization can help people like this woman, but thanks to Famous Minority Professor, I feel all too aware that this organization does nothing to give the power to people like her. The lawyer told her that she didn't need to be afraid of the caseworker, that what she feared wasn't going to happen to her, but the next time she has a problem with some monolithic agency, will she have the tools to know what she can or cannot do? Will she have the knowledge necessary to determine whether she has to be scared anymore? Will she have the power?

I get bothered about equity issues. At the same time, I don't want to be the lawyer in this case. I don't want to go after this caseworker. What I want to do is write about how heartbreaking it was to sit there, pretending to work on my own case, while an old woman who forgot to put in her teeth that morning wept, hands over her mouth, because someone told her that she didn't have to be afraid.

I'm lucky in terms of jobs this summer, I can already see that. My predecessor, another Crimson law student who encouraged me to apply, was right to be so excited about this place. I'm going to get serious research and writing experience (the response that's due to the Alaska Supreme Court, for example) that might actually make a difference to poor people (Intellectual challenge/"brain" work -- check.) I'm sure I'll get client contact (I was supposed to meet with one today who ended up not showing, but I'm sure I'll do more. (The human element that was missing at law school -- check). I'm working with a really smart and personable supervisor who's not afraid to give me lots of room and work, but also isn't intimidating in the least. (Good supervision -- check.) The work has varying degrees of impact on real people, from very direct (getting a protective order for an abused woman) to somewhat less direct (impact litigation). (Meaningful work and morally palatable -- check.) All in an office where no one's around before 9 am and I'm encouraged to leave at 5 pm. (Reasonable hours - check.) So what's the problem? Well, I'm just not excited about being a lawyer.

Well. As Neener pointed out today on the phone, I will be helping people this summer, and that's never a waste. I am grateful to be here. And it's only the second day, so we'll see. But if by the end of the summer I don't want to go back to school, I'll know it wasn't for lack of a good workplace.

Must go to sleep now. I slept almost 7 straight hours last night before waking, perhaps because of an Ambien I took last night. But it's not really the falling asleep that's hard. I just wake up at 4:30 and at 7 am because it's so light.