Yesterday my work colleague Myung-soo told me and another friend that she received a proposal over the weekend from her boyfriend of 100 days.

Congratulations, right? Except, well, not quite yet, because she hasn't really answered him yet.

Since I'd recently seen a TV drama where a woman did the same thing, I thought maybe this was a normal Korean custom, inserting some time between proposal and response. As it turns out, though, plenty of people just say "Yes" or "No" right at the moment.

Myung-soo's delay is peculiar to her, in that she wants to make sure that she can give herself over completely to her boyfriend, and that she is completely convinced that God has forgiven her all her past sins and is allowing her this happiness. I think. She's a very, very, very devout Protestant, and it's important to her to make sure that all's right in her soul and with God before committing to someone for life.

The God stuff aside, which I can't really comment on, taking time to ruminate over commitment, compatibility and the rest seems like a good idea to me. Although I can't really imagine any of my recently engaged or married American friends saying, "Gosh, that was really lovely and touching -- can I have a week or two to think about it?" to a heartfelt proposal, this is not an American thing as much as a modern thing.

Remember in The House of Mirth when Lily receives a marriage proposal from Mr. Rosedale? She gets a couple days to think it over. And when Mr. Collins proposes to Lizzie Bennet, he takes her no holds-barred refusal as a coquettish flirtation, and attempts to give her a few days to think about it.

Huh. As I wrote the above, though, it occurs to me that even in these examples, the author clearly intends for us to root against the joining. Myung-soo is pretty sure she wants to accept the proposal. So... I dunno.

In all honesty, I have my reservations about this pending engagement. I've never heard Myung-soo speak enthusiastically about the guy, only in admiration of his ability to open his heart to God because she wanted him to. She said she felt very calm during the proposal, even while he was shedding tears.

But marriage requires different things than a casual relationship, and a lack of swept-away-ed-ness doesn't necessary portend trouble.

This is, however, the second engagement in three weeks that I've had trouble being excited about. The first was Vivian, my Taiwanese friend, getting engaged to her Korean boyfriend. The first time I met her two months ago, we spent an hour talking about the hardships of being married to a Korean man in Korea, and she said she was pretty sure she was going to leave Korea and go back to Taiwan. This is the same woman who didn't see her boyfriend for three weeks and didn't really miss him (though they did talk on the phone). And when I asked her three weeks ago whether she loved her boyfriend, she said she wasn't sure. (Now she does say she loves him.)

I dunno. Marriage is a mystery. My parents' relationship didn't contain too many good lessons for young hk. Or the older hk, for that matter. I read today the NY Times Magazine's 9-page article on "The Good Divorce," which detailed a fascinating and terribly saddening gap in perceptions of the wife and husband about their marriage, and felt quite discouraged.

Luckily, the weddings I'll attend in September and October are for couples whom I think are good matches and are in love.
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I told someone at lunch today that I was quitting the Foundation next month, and exactly 35 minutes after lunch hour finished, someone came to my desk and asked me, "So you're quitting the Foundation?"

News travels at the speed of light here.
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Many thanks to BC (that's Miss C to you!) and Craig's List. I'm not qualified for the job, but I so appreciate the thought. You're lovely.