Finally! A day without rain, without clouds.

It was Roommate's last day at work, so my co-intern and I joined her for drinks on an outdoor patio at Snow Goose, a local bar. We could see Ship Creek and Cook Inlet as we sipped our drinks in the warm sun.

After we finished our drinks there, Roommate wanted to go to the notorious Chilkoot Charlie's near our house, so we latched onto the humorous and good-natured Alaskan native that is my Co-Intern, and trooped in there. $1 dollar slices and $2 beers! Cool.

The bar itself, which was where Charm and co. and I saw the handcuffed woman a couple weeks ago, was a sleaze fest if I ever saw one, with everyone scoping out each other. There were some remarks pointed in our direction too, including the bizarre comment, "Look! They're so small!" and the ever popular Japanese phrase, followed by, "That's the only Japanese I know!" I can't tell you how sick I am of men yelling out various Asian language greetings to me. I find it really offensive on a very deep level. I'm American, asshole. Try English. Try being civil. Try not being a total dickwad, for a change.

During conversation, Roommate mentioned that she and her friends had made a list of things they wanted to do before they died, stuff that forced them past their comfort zones and expanded their horizons. One of hers was asking a guy out (she did that this past year), another was going to a bar alone (she did that this summer). She encouraged me and Co-Intern to make a list too, and Co-Intern's was pretty hilarious: she fears birds, so one of hers was to be in a room with a bird and not freak out. The other was wearing a sleeveless shirt.

When it came to me, I honestly couldn't think of anything. Yeah, asking a guy out on a date would verge into my discomfort zone, and maybe that would give me a whole new appreciation for the travails of men in most cultures, but the thing is, I don't really want to do it. Come to think of it, I do think I asked someone out when I was a junior in college, and got turned down, so I actually do know and appreciate the difficulties of asking someone out. And while I have never gone to a bar by myself, I'm not convinced that I would be changed by the experience.

I think my attitude about such a list has changed over the years. Throughout grade school and college, I think I would have (and probably did) make lists like that. But I don't have that urge anymore. Challenging yourself is a good thing, and I hope I continue to do that, but the difference between me now and me then is that the me that is now knows where my comfort zones are, and I'm comfortable with where they are. I know I'm not the bravest person in the world; having a drink at a bar by myself would be discomfiting, but I wouldn't want to force myself to do it now because it IS discomfiting, and I know I wouldn't like it. While life is too short to let fear hold you back, it's also too short to force yourself to do things that are purely on some principle that you should do them.

I say all that, and I believe it, but I wonder, maybe I'm getting old and staid and chicken-y in my late 20s. Because I do feel unsettled by Roommate's challenge, and her belief that you can expand your boundaries by doing things that scare you. But then I realize: I don't really want to do anything like that. Broad goals for life I have, and even some specific things I'd like to do. But none of them really scare me. Part of it is that I've done a lot of things that I was scared of at the time, and forced myself then to do them, and come through (see: living in foreign country, going on a trip by myself, driving stick shift). I think that if I really wanted something, I'd do it, regardless of the terror (and there was plenty of that at various times). But there's nothing I really want just now. Yes, camping out in the wilderness alone is a terrifying thought, but I don't really want to do it in the first place, so I'm not going to force myself to do it just to prove to myself that I can. I guess that's the difference. I'm pickier now about which battles I choose to fight with my scaredy cat self.