Charm and co. just left for their midnight red-eyes back to their respective homes. Roommate's guest left yesterday too, and the apartment seems listless and empty without the multitude of packs, suitcases, sleeping bags and coats strewn around. It's nothing like the stinging emptiness I felt after the folks left, but I do feel a pang, especially because Charm is undergoing surgery next month for what could be deadly serious.

This is my first time seeing Charm in about a year now. The last time I saw her, she was waving goodbye after I helped her get out of a $250 traffic ticket by ditz-babbling at the cops who pulled her over. She and I agreed that our metabolisms are slowing down. We've both gained a little weight over the past year, and it's hard to burn off the masses of food we used to down without a thought. So too have our worlds -- gained in weight, that is. I've known Charm since seventh grade. In the past 10 years, she has shouldered an increasingly heavy load of responsibilities. Whenever I think I have it bad, I think of Charm and her ability to smile through the grief and anxiety. I don't know how the girl does it.

Sometimes I think, in the empty space just after a departure, that I should go back to a place where more of my friends or folks are. To become more anchored. To be able to say, "Call me if you need anything," and feel that I could actually do something because I'm right there. To know that I rest and work and play in the relaxed and watchful gaze of close friends or family, just as they rest and work and play in mine.

I've been thinking a couple things. I've been thinking that I was foolish to go to law school. I knew in my heart of hearts that it was not the profession for me, and I've confirmed it this summer. Co-Intern and I joke about how we'll love transactions, that it's the litigation side of things we aren't loving, but I know better.

But if it was foolish to start law school, it would be more foolish to drop out now. With $30,000 of debt and no increase in earning power, I'd have little to show for this year except a couple pounds and slightly deeper furrows in my brow. If I were sure what I wanted to do, I would quit law school and go do it. But I'm not sure. I've got an inkling, but I'm not sure.

Perhaps more on this tomorrow. After I run an hour and watch "Kung Fu Hustle" at the Beartooth.

Sorry this is so maudlin and serious. It's the departures that do it.