I walked the coastal trail back home today after work, feeling somewhat downcast about my work day. It did the trick:

- the stretches of possibly quicksand-y beach;
- the chilly-looking waters of Cook Inlet;
- the cargo ship anchored close to shore, its dark colors real and distinct against ice blue haze and clouds;
- the Chester Creek sewage processing plant (the part you see is much smaller than the part you don't -- five stories of sewage processing underground);
- the seven ducklings and their mother (down from 11) darting about on the lagoon;
- the strangely aggressive black-headed and black-and-white bodied ducks and their calm brown consorts;
- the seagulls incessantly squealing overhead;
- the small fluttering "birds" flying in odd patterns above the trees that were more likely bats;
- the various groups of people running or walking or biking and pulling babies behind them on the trail (the older folks slowly jogging by, the group of mothers, etc.);
- the Snack Shack; and
- the yellow lotus flowers blooming several yards from shore.

I didn't exactly get "yelled at" today. It was much stranger. Supervisor came in to ask if I were stressed, because I "seemed stressed this morning, looking stressed yesterday," and advised me that I shouldn't be stressed this summer working at this office. Used a military metaphor to suggest that I turn to some other kind of research in order not to get sucked too deeply into the particular research task so as to lose my way. Then he proceeded to stress me out further by asking if I'd considered this or that or gotten to this or that part of the project and, when I said no, ejected an amazed, "Duuude!" Which, because I too am from California, I know to mean: "What have you been doing with your time and why are you so stressed if you haven't even gotten around to that stuff yet?"

Dude. I TOLD you I'm slow at legal research. And you should know that first year law students are idiots. And why are you insisting on my not being stressed? It's in my nature to be stressed, because I want to do a good job. That's why you hire Crimson students, right?

Plus, it's nice that you have a feeling that the court's gonna rule our way, but I need to find case law that backs up your intuition (which is based on one footnote in one case), and that's DIFFICULT. Especially for someone who takes a long time to do legal research. Which I may have mentioned.

It's a perfect example of clashing styles -- I like things to be precisely laid out, with clearly delineated supporting evidence and feel stressed until I have things set up that way, and Supervisor is comfortable with a process that's a lot more open-ended and intuitive. It might also be some insecurity about the outcome of the case -- I'm a lot more worried about the precedent than he is, but I don't know as much about the topic or the court.

Those rationales sound good to me now (and may even have some grounding in reality), but then I felt pretty defensive. If you're saying I'm stupid in my approach, I agree with you! I don't know how to do it better because no one taught us at Crimson and I'm new at this stuff! So lay off, will ya? And stop telling me not to stress. For one, it works in your favor, and for two, no one relaxes because someone tells them not to stress out.

Tomorrow, I pick up the car. With the stick shift. And drive it home. Whoa!