Had another "don't stress!" - "but you haven't looked at that yet?" conversations with Supervisor today, but I was more relaxed about it today. My co-intern confirmed that I was reading him the right way, so I guess that's just his way of telling me to do certain things. Maybe he thinks I should be doing them already, without him telling me. Look, I'm just not that smart, okay? God!

I'm supposed to have another debrief with him tomorrow, which is why I stayed until almost 7 pm tonight, going through a list of cases and trying to see if any of them help us. Ugh. It's very, very slow going. And I'm not sure I'm even looking through the right list of cases!

When Supervisor asked me today how I was doing, I told him straight out, "I just feel so slow, and I don't know if I'm doing the right things." He turned to my co-intern and asked if she felt the same way, and she confirmed, as did the attorney who strolled into the library/intern "office" a few moments later -- "Yeah, I didn't feel like I really started getting it until I started clerking," the guy said. "Hey [Supervisor], didn't you feel the same way? Or did you just get it right away?" the attorney joshed. "Hey man, I STILL don't get it," Supervisor laughed.

I think I'll just tell him tomorrow that I can't complete the list of things he wants me to research by mid-week next week. I can't tell if that because I'm really slow, or if it's because it's just not possible. In any case, it's not possible for me, especially on this Alaskan work schedule, where no one is in the office before 9 am, and most are out the door by 5 pm. I was certainly the last person out when I left at 7 pm.

I don't mind staying late to finish things; there are zones of time during the day when I'm just not working. I wish I could work all day and go home with a clean conscience, but I can't concentrate on this stuff without taking breaks.

Stuff today that reminded me that I'm not in Kansas anymore:

1. I asked my co-intern, who is from Alaska, if I could use her Westlaw password (I've forgotten mine) so that I could check the Alaska Supreme Court cases there. I mentioned that I thought it was odd that Lexis only lists AK Supreme Court cases from 1959 onward. "Oh," she said, "Alaska wasn't a state before 1959." Oooooohhh.

2. I had to call a legislative staffer in Juneau today. "Huh," I said out loud, "that's weird. Do you have to dial the area code even if it's the same one?" "Where are you calling?" Co-Intern asked. "Oh," I said as I walked to my computer to check the area code, "I guess it's different area codes, since they're all down in Juneau. No, wait, it's the same area code." "There's only one area code in Alaska," Co-Intern explained. Oooooohhh.

And unrelated stuff: I'm a dogsitter again, while my landlady and her rather sweet daughter visit family in Maine. They have a young (1.5 years) bichon frise who is by turns rambunctious and timid. He's locked in the bathroom during the day when no one is around, but is extremely clingy when people are around. he's a strange dog -- after work, I put him outside, leashed to the house, as directed. He just sat there. Most dogs would sniff around, take a pee, whatever, but he just sat there on the step where I left him. Very odd.

Anyway, it's nice taking care of someone that is not me. I am reminded of a long-ago fellow DOJ intern who had twin boys a couple years ago. Before they were born, I asked Brian: "How do you feel about becoming a father?" His answer was typically thoughtful: "You know, Helen, I think I'm ready to put someone else before me. I'm sick of putting myself first." At the time, some three years ago, I thought this was extraordinarily mature and a little strange. But maybe at some point, a life of just thinking about yourself and what you want to do becomes devoid of meaning.

Unrelated confession: since Roommate and I are taking care of the dog, we took another liberty and watched us some TV. Oh man. I miss TV. We both were like, "Man, maybe we should skip going to Kenai this weekend and go buy a TV!" But we probably won't, because as Roommate put it, "that's not what I came here to do." On the other hand, as I pointed out, we came to relax, and TV is quite conducive to relaxing (I remember reading some article comparing the mental state to that achieved during meditation).

Whatever. You know I'm too cheap to buy a TV.