What Confidence?

So that newfound self-confidence I talked about ... yeah, well, hm. It doesn't seem to have found a permanent home in the landscape of my psyche yet. As proof, I offer Exhibit A: Bonnie.

Bonnie is in my taekwondo class. She's probably 16 or so. She moved to Korea from the States when she was about 8. So her Korean's not perfect -- you can hear her American accent. Her English is better, seeing as she goes to an international school.

Bonnie hates me.

Okay, okay, she doesn't hate me. She just is very, very unenthusiastic about me. Last week, when everyone else was partnered up for sit-ups, she looked away when I looked at her. When I outright asked, "Will you be my partner, Bonnie?" she muttered "okay." She seems to try to avoid me. As the only person really comfortable speaking both Korean and English, she makes no effort to reach out. And she, she ... yeah! She's mean! And she never says hi! And.. and... yeah! And she makes me feel like an idiot! Because I am one!

I feel fairly comfortable with everyone in taekwondo class, even the people I hardly speak with. Bonnie somehow manages to get under my skin. I know, I know, for all I know, she's dealing with some big issues that have nothing to do with me, and even if she weren't, being 16 is enough of an issue in itself. It's me, not her. What does it mean, anyway, that I'm bothered by the unfriendly/dismissive behavior of a pre-humanite? Sad, my friends. Very sad.

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Note

I'm loving the three-day workweek I've got set up. I adore having time to have a long lunch with friends, and then study. I did homework in the tiny spaces between things for so long (sitting on the train -- or standing up when I couldn't find a seat, during breaks between classes, when I didn't have work at the office, in the morning while lying in bed), it feels like a real luxury to have a set time in which I am supposed to study.