Lead or follow?

Just to clarify: Mighty Big Firm = New York office. Magic Circle = the UK firm whose HK branch I'm at now.

A good dim sum lunch with 10 members of the firm, including a very nice British partner who has a really gentle demeanor to him. But drives a Ferrarri to work. Also met two "trainee solicitors" -- 2 nice Hong Kong-born gentlemen who are nearing the end of their 2-year training stints (which they began after 2 years of law school). Then they become solicitors for real. I managed to finagle an invitation to show me the city out of one of them. Heh heh. I love it when my machinations work out.

I'm up late again, despite having told myself this morning that I'd go home as soon as I could and go to bed, having slept only 4.5 hours last night. But somehow, the document I was editing and formatting took forever, and then it was 8 pm, and I still had to pick my fall term classes online, and then a couple members of the U.S. team were sitting around in the conference room drinking (the Friday night firm "bar"), and I didn't want to be anti-social as I usually am, and then Sunshine suggested dinner, and now it's 12:30 am.

Good dinner, but heavy (northern Chinese this time). I really should have gotten a gym membership here. But when would I have ever gone?

I got an earful from the partner I've been sort of working with, about the firm, and how it wsa different from the New York offices, because you got a lot more responsibility early on, and how it's the Wild West out here because the market's still really young and flexible, whereas NY is saturated, yada yada. I asked the associate sitting there how she felt about the responsibility, asking playfully, "Do you cry every day in your office?"

"No, not every day," she said with a smile.

The partner, as many people are wont to do, "honestly" described the firm in the most flattering of ways, while ostensibly being forthright: "At the end of the day, it depends on what you want. What kind of person you are. Are you the kind of person who learns from being told exactly what to do at every step of the way, or are you the type who learns from just being thrown in? Do you want some second year associate telling you to stay all night to check every little thing, knowing he's going to yell at you in the morning? Our first year associates know more than New York associates in their fourth and fifth years.

"At the end of the day, I think a lot of us are out here because we didn't want to be like everyone else," he continued. "We would love to have you if you want to come. But you have to figure out if it's the right place for you."

While he was talking, I thought how funny it was that I did like being told exactly what to do, at every step of the way, but how attractive the Wild West frontier sounded. And how funny it was that he didn't want to be like everyone else. I just feel like I'm not like other people. Not exactly a volitional thing.

The partner and the associate sitting there both agreed that you get better training in New York, but the partner again pointed out that it depended on how you learn. And you know, I think I probably learn better by jumping in and just doing something -- but AFTER I've observed and talked about how to do something with a mentor, and practiced it 'n shit.

The "lots of responsibility early on" schtick reminded me of what Sunshine said last week: "You know, this job is kind of like law school 1L year. You have to do more work than you think is possible, and then you get more work. And at some point, it kind of breaks you. But then after that, you can handle anything. And nothing fazes you. You can handle it."

On the one hand, I want to be assertive and learn a lot, but on the other hand, it sounds so very hard. Of course no one wants to think of themselves as a conformist. But if you really are a follower rather than a leader, is there any shame in just admitting that to yourself?

Man, I'm tired. Anon, hk, to bed!