Deconstructing Granny

My grandmother, as I have mentioned numerous times, has aged very well. She not only looks 55 instead of 75, she has the energy of a 55-year-old. A really active 55-year-old. She goes out for pizza. She works in her garden. She goes on trips with friends and family. She downs an occasional glass of soju or whiskey. You would never guess she had back surgery in December. You would never guess she was born during the Japanese occupation.

Her mother lived until the age of 95 or so, so longevity is in the genes (unfortunately, since she's my step-grandmother, they're not really in MY genes -- rats!). Her happy-go-lucky, go-with-the-flow, don't-stress attitude has no doubt helped her get through a war, a couple miltary dictators, and abject nationwide poverty. I think her younger brother, whom I met two weekends ago for the first time, also shares that kind of stolid practicality and sanguine openness about life.

Her younger sister, however, though relatively hale and hearty also, does not. I don't know much about my great-aunt's life, but I see through her interactions with my grandmother that she is definitely the beta dog in the relationship. Partly it stems from being younger, partly from the fact that my grandmother has a very distinct and powerful personality that can overshadow others around her. Hey, the woman is bossy, what can I say? And this, I think has helped form my great-aunt's demeanor: she is physically smaller, quieter, less assertive. She has the air of a woman who has put up with a lot of shit in her life -- but silently.

My grandmother and her sister go out a lot together, but my great-aunt is more likely to stay at home. She doesn't seem to have friends like my grandmother does.

I happened to be at home on Tuesday morning and was sitting around with my great-aunt, answering her questions with minimal thought and courtesy. I think I picked this up from my grandmother, who often orders her younger sister to do things. I don't remember what I said, but it was slightly impatient, as I was tired and not in the mood to answer questions. Anyway, my great-aunt astonished and alarmed me by starting to cry a little bit.

"I don't want to live," she said. "I don't want to live."

Trying to jolly her up, I asked, "Do you want anything? I'll buy anything you want."

"I don't want anything."

It turns out that she had worked as a subway cleaning woman until two years ago, so I suggested that she start work again.

"No, I already quit and received my retirement pay [about USD$4,000 or so], and who's going to hire me at my age?"

She said she had no friends, and that she was too old to travel, so basically ... she didn't want to live anymore.

The moment passed quickly, and my great-aunt reassumed her usual quiet (though not slow to smile) air.

I made up my mind to be nicer to her, and to spend more time with her.

Aging scares me, and not because everything goes south. These past few months, during which my friends have one by one left Korea, and during which I haven't had much to do, are a little bit like what I imagine old age to be. Your friends die off, you don't work anymore, you make work for yourself because you're bored. If you're like my great-aunt, who is by either nature or nurture a quiet, inwardly directed person, the loneliness seems more acute than if you're like my grandmother, who is by nature or nurture a confident extravert. My grandmother of course has days when she feels lonely or bored, but she'll announce that she's bored and find something to do.

I think my great-aunt is probably more sensitive of a person than my grandmother, but less happy. I hope the two aren't linked, because I'm definitely not the confident extravert.
-----------------------
Non sequitur

I've almost, almost completely given up on the idea of going to see KB, except for the fact that:
it's currently 88 degrees F in Seoul (feels like 95) and soggy as a sock left on the floor of a locker room;
it will be 86 degrees in Tokyo the day I arrive (July 31), with matching humidity; but 
in [        ], where KB resides, it's a beautiful, chilly 36 degrees out today.

Oh, the sweaty, miserable, dripping humanity!