Family Day

The Year of the Monkey began today, and with it came loads of relatives to pay respects to my grandmother (three of her grown children, four grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren) and to my great-aunt (her daughter, plus husband and three sons). In addition, two friends of my father's came over to drink a couple bottles of soju and talk about politics for a couple hours. After they discussed my career options for about 30 minutes.

I must be in a mood, because I decided today that I definitely will not be having children. At least, not dirty, gross, spoiled, rude children. If I have any, they'll be self-cleaning, obey all orders, and feed themselves. Come to think of it, they'll make their own damn food.

Maybe it's because I woke up early to go to temple and do the ritual bows of respect for my grandfather. I liked doing this last year, and I liked it this morning as well, but I woke up at 6 am and well, that's just never a precursor to a good mood.

Okay, back to the regularly scheduled program.

Decisions Part 3: A Little More Concrete. Maybe.

It was very cold in Beijing earlier this week, and I was all set to first complain about Chinese winters and then bask in the relative warmth of Seoul, but I arrived yesterday to -14 degree Celcius weather, 6 degrees colder than Beijing. D'oh!

Because it was so cold in Beijing, I thought about buying a duck or goose down jacket there (for a very low price, naturally), but I decided that in this age of Gore-tex and other manmade goodies, the duck or goose probably needed the down more than I did. I announced this to Gyung-li just after we finished eating Peking duck, and our eyes automatically were drawn to the front of the room, where four naked birds strung up by their necks were hanging on four black double-sided hooks. We both started to say, "Except for those birds," and burst out laughing.

But where was I? Oh yes. So cold that I couldn't feel my feet and my fingers wavered between numb and tingly. While we were shopping (which was every day), I noticed something. Whenever I saw a down jacket or a fleece sweater or a pair of fur-lined boots, which are all not really necessary for Seoul winters, I automatically thought, "Well, I may not use it this winter very much, but it'll be useful in Boston, and I'll regret it next year if I don't buy this on the cheap now." That's what I meant when I wrote yesterday that my actions indicate a yes decision.

But my mind -- which may or may not be behind my subconscious-directed actions (see how nefarious my gray matter is?) -- or at least my conscious mind, is very much undecided still. Tonight, struck by a strangely decisive mood, I jotted down a list of possible careers options (the heading: "POSSIBLE CAREERS FOR HELEN (AT AGE 28)") which goes as follows:
- journalism
- therapist
- lawyer/law school
- history grad school/student
- East Asian Studies grad student
- foreign service
- vetinarian
- pet therapy
- travel writer
- actor
- movie critic

I then started writing down "WHAT SKILLS I LIKE USING" and came up with "writing, learning, helping people understand themselves and others, understanding and accepting cultural differences" before my incisive mood petered out.

Given that the above list is fairly representative of the "next step" options I'm serious about (and let's just say that it is, because it's just way too hard not to), I'd cross out actor (a secret longing, but never really serious about, except for that brief period when I wanted to be the next supa-stahhhh) and journalism (because I hated chasing after people for interviews and the like when I was a reporter in high school). (Although it was really rewarding. Probably the most rewarding activity I ever did. Okay, it's back in. Shit.) (Where was I? Oh yes.)

I'd also cross out vet, because I can't picture myself going through med school, and movie critic, because honestly, after seeing American Psycho last week on TV and being unable to get the image of Christian Bale gleefully dangling a chainsaw over a prostitute fleeing downstairs out of my head, I don't want to be in a position where I have to watch all movies.

Travel writer would be nice, but that falls in the category of journalism, and -- oh, shoot, journalism's back in, isn't it? But here's the thing -- I don't want to be a journalist. I just think that, if I only had a fearless personality, it would be the perfect job for me: constantly learning something new, writing descriptively, helping people understand each other, maybe causing change for the good. Fuck all, maybe I should be a journalist, despite my horror of cold calling people and naturally timid personality. Well, let's leave that alone for now.

As for the rest -- well, let me explain pet therapy for a second, just so's you don't think I'm a weirdo. I don't mean a Prozac-for-puppies type of pet therapist, I mean the type of therapy that uses animals (usually dogs or cats) to help alleviate depression, assist in physical rehabilitation, etc.

So, yes, as for the rest, I think each of the others actually sounds really cool. No objections to becoming a therapist (except maybe having to deal with truly scary psychotic killers and stuff, but that seems optional), which my former shrink opines is the most perfect job in the world: you set your own hours, you help people, it's intellectual, and it's lucrative. None to being a grad student of some kind -- I would love to take classes and do research in history or area studies or what have you. (I'd just worry about getting a job afterwards, but we're just dealing with the next 5 years or so here for now.) The foreign service seems pretty cool -- travel, learn about different cultures, help people understand each other, etc. (Worried about actually getting in -- very difficult -- but again, just dealing with what I want, and only for the next 5 years or so.) And heck, going to law school and becoming a lawyer for a few years doesn't seem all that bad either. I wouldn't want to do it forever, but paying off loans doesn't take forever.

So of the above options that I've siphoned into the "Actually Worth Considering" pile, the only thing that is time-limited is the foreign service (I don't think they take people older than 35). Everything else seems to be as doable in 5 years as it is now.

I'll look into it.

[Station break]

Actually, they take people up to age 60. In any case, I registered for the written exam, which will be in April (hopefully I get my requested test center: Seoul). The description of the public diplomacy track sounds interesting and possibly appropriate for me. The oral exam sounds daunting. But we'll see if I pass the written first.

In the meanwhile, I may go ahead and say yes to law school (going won't hurt my chances of getting into the foreign service). I'll think about it; I also want to reconsider journalism, because it does seem so hauntingly right for me, if it weren't for the personality issue (mine not matching to the fearless reporter image I have on the brain) and if I weren't so damn lazy/insecure about writing things and sending them out to publications. Grad school (for history, area studies or psychology) also is pretty appealing.

Other things on the mind: begging for freebie education, applying for a Fulbright, thanking Wendy for suggesting the foreign service during our trip, writing a book, going to China. Will organize thoughts more tomorrow. For now, I feel like I've made a little progress. It may all disappear tomorrow, but I feel calm. Optimistic. I think.